how to establish boundaries with your toddler

Toddlers love to test the limits! It’s their job! While it’s a normal part of their growth and development it’s also a part of our job as a parent to learn how to establish boundaries with your toddler.

Toddlers experience many memorable milestones between the ages of 2-3 years old that impact their overall development and journey to “big kid status”. Beginning school/daycare, potty training, the addition of a new sibling and crib to bed transition are just a few to mention. While these life changes can be so exciting they can also affect sleep habits, push your toddler to test new boundaries and cause overnight disruptions.

your toddler has a New level of understanding

As parents, it is our responsibility to guide them through these transitions. Age plays a factor in helping a toddler understand how important sleep is to their growing body. They are now able to recognize boundaries, communicate and role-play to accept sleep expectations.

how to Establish clear boundaries with your toddler

It is helpful to draw out imaginary boundaries of where your child is expected to stay and cannot go after saying goodnight! For example, they must stay in their bed until morning when their light changes color.

One place they may be able to go independently is the bathroom. You can practice walking to the bathroom and back to bed to reinforce the expectation. Anywhere else in the house is off limits. If they need help during the night, they are to ask through the monitor.

Many toddlers can not fully grasp the idea of imaginary boundaries until age 3 and why we recommend waiting until as close to age 3 or after before transitioning to a bed!

time parameters

Keep the routine within reasonable time limits (approximately 15-30 minutes). Create a predictable order so your toddler is able to anticipate what comes next. Toddlers thrive off of this! While they cannot tell time, giving them warnings (ex: one more song until bedtime) and minimizing any uncertainty will reduce push-back when it is time for lights out! 

call backs

Is your toddler pushing boundaries with countless requests during the routine or after you leave? While it is the job of a 3 year old, there needs to be limits! Discuss the reasons they would need to ask for help. In our house there are two and only two- potty help or sick! Call-backs for drinks, a song, another book, etc. are not reasons to ask for help or get out of bed in the night. 

toddler safety

When we create strict boundaries for our children it comes from a good place; the number one priority is keeping them safe. 

• Child-proof Room: Ensure their entire room is child-proofed including outlets covered, furniture secured to the wall, cords hidden. 
• Getting out of bed: If your child is having difficulties staying in bed during the night, make the walk back to their room all business- no talking and very boring. Remind yourself; firm but loving boundaries are to keep them safe! If it becomes an ongoing habit, consider a monkey-lock for their door as anything outside of their room is not childproofed. There are training methods we use to support this process of staying in bed. Reach out to us for more support. 

How to establish and reinforce toddler boundaries

• Communicate Expectations: Start with a family meeting to talk about the boundaries you have set.
• Incentivize: Praise, positive reinforcement and the use of a ticket system all encourage them to stay in bed. Tickets can be used ONCE if they need something OR redeemed in the morning for a reward if they keep it the entire night! Non-tangible rewards are easiest to keep up with, for example a special activity with mom or dad. Stickers placed on a chart also benefit visual learners. 
• Color Change: Sound machines or toddler clocks can change color at set times. This can help establish when it is “okay to wake” and get out of bed in the morning. Green is a great color- as they associate it with green means GO!
• Role-playing: Use a special doll to model the boundaries and practice expectations. Then have your child repeat using the doll. Repetition is key. Practice this role-play every day. This is a very helpful reinforcement!
• Choice: The more ownership you give your child with the overall bedtime process, the more buy-in they will have to accept your boundaries and rules. 

Sleep resources to help your family

Still experiencing resistance at bedtime or overnight wakings once boundaries are set? 

Contact us for more 1:1 coaching support to improve your toddler’s overall sleep foundation!

We work 1:1 with families providing personalized sleep coaching starting at 4 months of age and up to age 4. We have multiple options that can help you get your child’s sleep on track!

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