Parent led sleep associations. why I don’t recommend feeding, rocking, or holding your baby to sleep.

Parent Led Sleep Associations. A taboo topic on the internet! 

If you are Feeding, Rocking, or Holding Your Baby or Toddler to Sleep you’ll want to take a deep dive to find out why I don’t recommend this!

What is a parent led sleep association?

A parent led sleep association is something your baby can not do for themselves to fall asleep. The 3 most common include feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep, or holding to sleep.

Many parents think that at some point their baby will just magically start falling asleep independently and sleep through the night. This may be the case for a small percentage of babies but one of the most important things to learn as a parent is that sleep is a learned skill!

The drive to sleep is biological, but the way we fall asleep is learned. Think about the routines you have before bed. Some are soothing and help us fall asleep and some are not (especially screen time before bed)!

Yes! Just like rolling, crawling, talking, or eating solids, there are a series of steps to help your baby learn how to sleep both independently and through the night.

But if your baby has developed a parent-led sleep association, meaning something they can’t do on their own? They will start to anticipate and expect this intervention to initiate sleep and to help them self-soothe if they wake overnight or from a short nap. This starts to become a problem if it is the ONLY way your baby will fall asleep.

why do parent led sleep associations stop working?

As your baby approaches 3 to 4 months of age their sleep cycles will mature and change and you may find you have to spend more time rocking or feeding to get your baby into a deep sleep only to have them wake up again upon transfer to the crib.

Or you’ll start to see multiple wake-ups overnight that you will have to repeat the same intervention to get your baby to finally fall back asleep. This cycle can be EXHAUSTING!

Newborn sleep consists of very deep sleep and a lighter active stage of sleep. At 3-4 months your baby now goes through multiple stages of sleep and has much more awareness of their surroundings and routines. My favorite time to work on independent sleep is between 3-6 months.

This is the Golden time to establish healthy sleep foundations. Babies this age also adapt very quickly to changes in their routine and as a parent, you are not dealing with other milestones impacting sleep such as separation anxiety, teething, and crawling or walking. The 4 month sleep regression shouldn’t last forever!

What can do to help transition away from these sleep associations?

You can opt for a slow step-by-step approach or remove all sleep associations one at a time. It really depends on the age and temperament of your baby and how sleep-deprived everyone is!

A few tips to help you start making the transition away from parental led sleep associations.

• Work on an eat, play sleep routine as early as possible.
• You want your baby fully awake and alert while feeding followed by play time to practice skills before the next nap
• Expose your baby to the crib while awake-Try this while you are in the room to promote a positive environment
• Feed your baby at the beginning of the bedtime routine and separate it with a book, song, or prayer
• Gradually reduce the amount of rocking to one lullaby to soothe your baby, but not to sleep before laying in the crib awake
• Look at your baby’s daytime feeds. Are they distracted and grazing? If yes and older than 3-4 months, you can start to wean overnight feeds to help their daytime appetite. We include customizable options for weaning feeding for both breast and bottle feeding parents in the Well Rested Course.

practice makes progress with independent sleep

Independent sleep is a learned skill! It takes lots of time, practice, and patience. The golden period to work on independent sleep is around 3-4 months of age, but IT IS NEVER TOO LATE! 

I always recommend working on independent sleep at bedtime and overnight before naps. This will help them get good quality deep and restorative sleep overnight which will then lead to better feeds and purposeful awake time during the day. Naps tend to improve one at a time, so take it step by step and give yourself grace during the process!

We have sleep resources to help your family

If feeding, rocking, or holding your baby to sleep is not working for your baby anymore and you’re ready to make a positive change..I have a class for you! The 4-24 Month Well Rested Collection will walk you step-by-step through a completely customizable sleep training experience. In just a few weeks, your baby will be falling asleep independently, getting 11-12 hours of independent night sleep, AND you’ll have a plan to navigate any future regressions or bumps in your journey. I’ll also help you set up a daytime routine and nap schedule that fits your family’s lifestyle and values. And you’ll get age-specific guidance to meet your baby right where he or she is developmentally at every stage from now until your baby turns 2.

We also offer 1:1 personalized sleep coaching to families including newborn support and sleep training plans starting at 3 months of age up to 4 years!

We have custom sleep plans that can help your baby sleep through the night, fall asleep independently, and take longer naps!

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